I appreciate the creative and whimsical nature of your question! However, I'm unable to compute the average distance between "seven sleepy rectangles and one jealous teaspoon" because:

1. **Emotional states don't apply to objects**: Rectangles can't be "sleepy" and teaspoons can't be "jealous" - these are human emotions that don't apply to geometric shapes or utensils.

2. **Missing spatial information**: To calculate distances, I would need to know:
   - The specific positions/coordinates of each rectangle
   - The position of the teaspoon
   - Whether we're working in 2D or 3D space
   - What point on each rectangle we're measuring from (center? corner? nearest edge?)

3. **No defined metric**: Even with positions, we'd need to agree on how to measure distance (Euclidean distance? Manhattan distance?)

If you'd like to explore a mathematical distance problem, I'd be happy to help with:
- Calculating distances between actual geometric shapes with given coordinates
- Working through a word problem about spatial relationships
- Discussing different ways to measure distances between objects

Or if this was meant as creative writing or humor, I'd be glad to play along in that direction instead!
