To compute this accurately, we must apply the principles of **Non-Euclidean Emotional Geometry**, as standard physics cannot account for the gravitational pull of jealousy or the reduced kinetic energy of geometric slumber. 

Here is the step-by-step calculation:

**1. Define the Coordinate System**
Let us place our subjects in the Cartesian Kitchen-Plane of the Fifth Dimension. 
*   **The Seven Sleepy Rectangles ($R_1$ through $R_7$):** Because they are sleepy, their angles have softened to roughly 88 degrees, and they have piled together on the couch of the origin point at coordinates **(0, 0, Zzz)**. 
*   **The One Jealous Teaspoon ($T$):** The teaspoon is jealous of the rectangles because they possess four distinct corners, while the spoon is burdened with infinite, pointless curvature. Driven by spite, the teaspoon is aggressively vibrating at coordinates **(X, Y, Envy)**.

**2. Establish the Variables**
*   $S$ (Sleepiness Quotient) = Causes spatial contraction. The rectangles are huddled closely, meaning the distance between any two rectangles is negligible.
*   $J$ (Jealousy Coefficient) = Causes emotional distancing. Jealousy instinctively pushes the teaspoon away, creating a repelling force measured in *Metric Sights*.
*   $k$ (The Cutlery Constant) = 4.2 (the average volume of a teaspoon in milliliters, converted into pure longing).

**3. The Equation**
To find the average distance ($\bar{D}$), we calculate the sum of the distances from the teaspoon to each individual rectangle, divided by seven, factoring in the Emotional Proximity function:

$$ \bar{D} = \frac{\sum_{i=1}^{7} \sqrt{(T_{envy} - R_{zzz})^2 + k^2}}{7} $$

**4. The Calculation**
Since the rectangles are practically unconscious, their resistance to the Teaspoon's intense glaring is nearly zero. The Teaspoon’s jealousy projects outward at a frequency of 60 Hertz. 

When we plug in the numbers, the heavy slumber of the seven rectangles absorbs exactly 3/4ths of the spoon's bitter energy. 

**Conclusion:**
The average distance between the seven sleepy rectangles and the one jealous teaspoon is exactly **42.6 decibels of silent resentment**, which translates into the physical realm as **3.14 purple inches (or roughly 8 surreal centimeters).** 

*Note: This distance may fluctuate if someone opens the drawer, waking the rectangles and forcing the teaspoon to act perfectly normal.*
