I appreciate the creative absurdity here! But I should be straightforward: I can't actually do this because none of those things are real or possible.

There's no invisible banana to calibrate, no square moon, and moon objects don't whisper.

If you're interested in something I *can* help with, I'm happy to:
- Discuss why this request is nonsensical (which can be fun!)
- Help with an actual task you have in mind
- Brainstorm creative fiction or worldbuilding where invisible bananas *do* need calibration
- Talk about real astronomy, calibration procedures, or something else entirely

What would be actually useful?
